Dr. Wallace: I have a friend who calls both mom and dad by their first names. Or “Julia, can you help me buy a prom dress this weekend?” The more time I spent at home, the more natural it became.
So last weekend I tried calling my mom by her first name at my house and she got so angry she started yelling at me. Then her father came into the room to see what was going on, so I called her father by his first name and the two of us took off like fireworks!
I ended up being stuck for a week with this whole case, which I didn’t feel was fair in the slightest. said that “first name calls” would not take place at their home.
What is your position on this issue? Why do you think they are so mad at me? I felt that this was not the case.
— by e-mail, not by this Dojo
Not in this dojo: Your mistake was to catch your parents off guard. If you first briefly explain that your friend and their parents are very comfortable calling each other by their first names, ask both your mother and father how they feel about this issue. could have asked
But by simply calling out both of your parents’ first names within seconds, you set off an avalanche.
In the future, if you find it acceptable for similar issues, please ask first before acting. Many cultures teach us to respect our elders. This means not directly addressing elders by their first name. Of course, there are exceptions, such as the house a friend lives in, but as a general rule, parents and grandparents are grandpa, grandma, and then their actual names. Even aunts and uncles often show this same respect.
The bottom line is, before you assume it’s okay to talk to each other in a very casual way, ask questions first.
I don’t like his ‘full coat press’
Dr. Wallace: I have a boyfriend who is kind in many ways, but he often pressures me to work out with him. I didn’t tell him about my past history. We turned 18 this summer and I’m finishing my senior year of high school.
I’ve dated a few guys in high school, and so far I’ve been comfortable with just holding hands and sometimes just a moderate kiss, so I’ve mostly kept my distance physically. was placed. But this current man is verbally and physically pressuring me to escalate our relationship.He said he was 5 hours drive away from the college I was planning to attend, I go to college near my current home.
I like him in many ways, but lately his “full court press” has felt quite out of place. Since he’s leaving town this fall, should I cut ties with him?
— uncomfortable with his progress, via email
feel uncomfortable with his progress: Any relationship should be beneficial and empowering for both participants. The fact that the letter was signed using the word “unpleasant” speaks volumes.
Yes, you could choose to cut ties with him immediately, but perhaps the better tactic is to sit him down and be brutally honest with him about your feelings. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you are not at all happy with your progress, and that these actions are pulling you further away from him instead of bringing you closer. do this. Your goal is communication here, not scolding or belittling him.
If he really cares about you, he will listen and respect you. His future actions should confirm this sentiment and understanding. However, if he doesn’t respond well or continues to press you in other ways, you might want to move on.
You spend time in this relationship and like him in so many other ways, so stand up for yourself and get answers (and future actions) from him that will show how strong your union really is. Do you have any obligations?
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. I can’t answer all of them individually, but I will do my best to answer them in this column. Send an email to email@example.com. To learn more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read about other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists featured, visit Creators of His Syndicate on his website at www.creators.com.
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https://www.mcall.com/2023/05/04/calling-parents-by-first-names-grounded/ she called her parents by their first names and kept her feet on the ground